Top ten ways in which Star Wars is better than Star Trek:

10. In the Star Wars Universe weapons are rarely, if ever, set on "stun". 9. The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp - The Millennium Falcon does the samething with R2-D2 and a Wookiee. 8. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable - After pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell. 7. One word: Lightsabers. 6. Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance. 5. The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not. 4. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters. 3. Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action. 2. The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named "Slave I". 1. Picard pilots the Enterprise through asteroid belts at one-quarter impulse power - Han Solo floors it.

 

Top ten ways to get kicked out of the Empire:

10. Insist on wearing your slippers. 9. Tell Vader to relax. 8. Be too accurate when firing on a Sandcrawler, making it obvious to any passerby that it wasn't shot down by Tusken Raiders. 7. Use the Death Stars superlazer to carve your name in a nebula. 6. Speeder bike races down the corridors of the Executor. 5. Use 2 Star Destroyers and a Rebel Blockade Runner to play a huge game of "Pong". 4. Get caught reading a Zahn book during the Emperors speech. 3. Start "the wave" during stormtrooper inspection. 2. Fool around with Vader's lightsaber when he's in his meditation pod, pretending to be a Jedi. 1. Secretly replace Vader's lightsaber with a traffic flashlight.

 

Top ten signs you are obsessed with Star Wars:

10. You lose your R2 unit and become a Jedi Knight. 9. You are fluent in over 6 million forms of communication, even Bocce. 8. You know what species Yoda is. 7. You think Lord Vader is your unknown dad. 6. When something goes wrong and you are blamed for it, you retaliate with "It's not my fault!" 5. When you can't go out, you tell your mom "But I was going to go to Home Depot to pick up some power converters!" 4. You mistake your cat for a wamprat and shoot it in your "T-16". 3. When you pull into a parking lot, you say "This is Red Leader, going in." 2. You tell everyone you went skiing on Hoth. 1. When you sleep, you cry out "Ben...Ben!"

 

Top ten reasons Anakin Skywalker turned to the Dark Side:

10.Generous Dark Lords of the Sith pension plan. 9. Sick and tired of mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi repeating "Beware of the Dark Side". 8. To escape cruel taunting over dorky name. 7. To impress his friends. 6. Kicked in head by bantha. 5. Didn't want to go into the family business of moisture farming. 4. Charmed by Emperor Palpatine's seductive after-shave. 3. Wanted to use the Force to prop up Microsoft stock. 2. Owed money to Jabba the Hutt, could refinance debt through the Empire. 1. Wanted cool voice like James Earl Jones.

 

Top ten fun things to do on Tatooine:

10. Bantha races. 9. Racing landspeeders to the Dairy Queen and back. 8. Oil baths (droids only). 7. Pin-the-tail-on-the-Glowin'-Ben. 6. Find the charred remains of your foster parents. 5. Sweatin' to the Oldies...and, for that matter, to the current hits, too. 4. Checking out the wretched hives of scum and villainy in Mos Eisley. 3. Bulls-eyeing wamprats in your T-16. 2. Fishing for Boba Fett's helmet in the Sarlacc pit. 1. Taunting Jawas.

 

Top ten reasons not to join the Empire:

10. Stormtroopers are the Empire's first line of defense. 9. All ships and installations are built around a "main reactor". 8. Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedos and always lead to the "main reactor". 7. Most TIE Fighters have no shields. 6. The Emperor's best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding teddy bears (Ewoks). 5. Officers over the rank of Lieutenant have a life expectancy of two weeks. 4. Everything proceeds as the Emperor has foreseen. 3. Stormtroopers are picked for their intelligence and common sense. 2. The Emperor allows the alliance to know the location of the shield generator. 1. Bounty Hunters, we don't need their scum!

 

Top twelve rejected Star Wars novels:

12. Luke opens a ranch devoted to the fine art of motion picture effects, names it after himself. 11. "Luke Who's Talking". 10. The adventures of Han Solo's accountant brother Seymore. 9. "The Complete Wookiee Dictionary". 8. "Boba Fett: The Wacky Teen Years". 7. An entire book devoted to all the options Anakin Skywalker went through when designing scary Darth Vader costume. 6. "The Courtship of Darth Vader". 5. A three-volume set documenting the first official crossover with the "Star Trek" universe.(Of course, the Star Wars characters would kick butt!) 4. "Biggs Darklighter: The Man and His Music". 3. "The Big Pop-Up Book of Rancors". 2. The Emperor allows the alliance to know the location of the shield generator. 1. Bounty Hunters, we don't need their scum!

 

Top ten foods in the Star Wars universe:

10. Pizza The Hutt. 9. Chocolatey Palp-O-Tine. 8. Bits-O-Alderaan Cereal. 7. Bantha Biscuits. (not a big seller) 6. Kashyykburgers. 5. Kibbles n' Bothans. 4. Ham Salad in Carbonite. 3. Jabba's Live Slimy Frog Things. 2. Hutt N' Honey. 1. Lando "Lakes" Calrissian Brand Butter.

 

Top ten moments Palpatine wished he'd been there:

10. Snatching up Luke's lightsaber in the Wampa cave. 9. Flipping the Tractor Beam back on after Obi-Wan left. 8. Shoving Vader right off the Cloud City gantry after Luke. 7. Tying Luke's laces together before he leaped out over the Sarlaac. 6. Stepping on Luke's fingers while he hung from the Cloud City weather vane. 5. Unhooking Luke and Leia's rope in the Death Star core shaft. 4. Cranking up the speed on the Trash compactor. 3. Driving the AT-AT that almost stepped on Luke. 2. Showing Wicket the Ewok what a REAL electric shock feels like. 1. "And now, Baby Ewok...You will die!"

 

Top ten suprises in Star Wars: Episode I:

10. Luke and Leia actually a result of Mrs. Skywalker's secret torrid affair with Uncle Owen. 9. Young Senator Palpatine first elected on a lower taxes platform. 8. Special repeat appearance by Rick Morranis. 7. Two words: Leia's hair. 6. Anakin's wife to be played by Kathy Lee Gifford. 5. Aunt Beru actually a hero of the Clone Wars. 4. Mon Mothma used to bulls-eye wamprats in her T-7. 3. Darth Vader really did kill Anakin Skywalker; just lied to Luke to gain his sympathy. 2. Boba Fett actually Luke's third cousin. 1. Before being horribly scarred, Anakin Skywalker really looked like James Earl Jones, too.

 

Top ten hobbies of Darth Vader:

10. Making prank "heavy breathing" phone calls. 9. Sneaking up behind Star Destroyer crew members, covering their eyes, and demanding "Guess who?" 8. Practicing throwing Palpatine doll down pits. 7. Genealogy. 6. Using the force to learn to juggle. 5. Mortal Kombat 5436. 4. Using mind-reading ability to win at Battleship. 3. Late nights with a torture droid. 2. Sending anonymous love-notes to Mon Mothma. 1. Checking Imperial Deli to see if they've named a sandwich after him yet.

 

Top twenty reasons why Star Wars is better than Titanic:

20. Titanic's big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive. 19. Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential. 18. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water. 17. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait. 16. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage. 15. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean it. 14. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun. 13. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian bypromoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral. 12. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship. 11. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun. 10. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing? 9. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt. 8. Two words: John Williams. 7. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars. 6. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world"? 5. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key. 4. "I'd rather be his whore than your wife" just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookiee." 3. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes. 2. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated "Luke... I am your father"? 1. Han Solo would've missed the dang iceberg!

 

Top twenty signs you've seen Star Wars too many times:

20. You can recite ALL the dialogue from the trilogy. 19. You watch all six movies at least once a month. 18. You've created lyrics to the songs in Star Wars. 17. You have ever thought the world would be a better place if it were like the Rebel Alliance/New Republic. 16. You refer to money as credits without trying to. 15. By intense study you have actually figured out the location of every gun implacement on a star destroyer. 14. You have held up an onion ring and said, "Look sir...droids!" 13. You can speak Rodian. 12. You are POSITIVE you are Force-sensitive, and only lack the proper training. 11. Yoda's little sayings have had a profound impact on your life, and you abide by them religiously. 10. You dropped your religion and now live the way Yoda taught you. 9. While listening to the soundtrack without knowing the name of the song you are listening to, you know exactly what's happening while it's playing. 8. When asked if you want to be buried or creamated you say "I'll just vanish like the rest of the Jedi." 7. You have a bad feeling about everything. 6. You believe John Williams is the best composer ever (which he is!), and George Lucas is a god (which, too, is pretty much true!). 5. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda come to you in your dreams and give you advice about tough situations you're dealing with. 4. You've written several letters to the President recommending that he dissolve the council, put power in the hands of the regional governors, and let fear keep the local systems in line. 3. When your alarm clock goes off in the morning, your reply is, "Unexpected this is... and unfortunate!" 2. As a child, whenever you had broken something, your response was always, "It must've had a self-destruct mechanism. I didn't hit it that hard." 1. You can never see Star Wars too many times!

 

Top fifteen signs you may think you're a rebel pilot or smuggler:

15. You've bought a white Isuzu Trooper, strictly because of the name. 14. You nickname your car the Millennium Falcon. 13. When accelerating your car to enter the freeway, you tell your passengers to strap in and prepare for light speed. 12. You refer to getting off the freeway as coming out of hyperspace. 11. When a cop catches you speeding, you floor it, saying "I've outrun Imperial starships, and not the local bulk cruisers..." 10. You've been pulled over by a policeman, and when asked to see your driver's license you replied, "You don't need to see my identification." 9. And when he asks about your two friends in the back: "They're for sale, if you want them." 8. You listen for Obi-Wan while attempting to parallel park. 7. You type in the terms for a search engine as if entering coordinates, then shout "Punch it, Chewie!" as you click on search. 6. Someone tells you your car is old and beat-up, you reply "She'll do .5 past light speed..." 5. You try to get your car up to .5 beyond lightspeed, in a parking lot. 4. Whenever you catch sight of cars behind yours, you say "Fighters, coming in, point three five." 3. Someone else in your car says "What about that tower?" 2. You respond, "You worry about those fighters, I'll worry about the tower", and moments later your car slams into the water tower the passenger was referring to. 1. Your father asks you how fast your car is, and you reply, "Fast enough for you, old man!"

 

Top 20 signs you take star wars too literally I:

20. The cinnamon buns in your hair start to grow mold. 19. You have a long braid in you hair like Obi-Wan in TPM. 18. You call your boss/teacher "Master." 17. You answer the phone "Die wanna wanga?" 16. You insist on spelling Pizza Hut "Pizza Hutt." 15. When your mom asks you to clean your room, you say "Leave that to me." 14. You call your aunt and uncle Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen. 13. You have physically threatened anyone who referred to "Hans Solo" or "Dark Vader", confused Star Wars with Star Trek, or spelled Wookiee with only one "e." 12. You call your girlfriend, "your Highness." 11. You keep calling your boyfriend, "Luke," "Han," or "Lando" by mistake. 10. You went through a state of depression when Chewie died. 9. Someone says they will try to do something you automatically respond "Do or do not. There is no try." 8. Whenever you buy a new appliance, you make sure to get one that speaks Bocce. 7. Your friends share recipes for cooking Ewok. 6. When riding your bike, you look behind you and accelerate wildly by pressing down on the petal with your right toe. 5. You start reliving the speeder bike chase on your motorbike. 4. You quote Yoda to defend your political beliefs. 3. You now want to become an astronaut to see if there really is a Lando system. 2. When you waited for a friend to catch up with you, you told him to hurry up or he'd be a permanent resident. 1. When your dad says, "I am your father," you begin to scream uncontrollably and shout, "NOOOO! It's not true!" at the top of your lungs.

 

Top 20 signs you take star wars too literally II:

20. You argue about whether Star Wars is space fantasy or space opera. 19. On Halloween, you would never dress as: Luke, Han Solo, Leia, Vader, Chewie, C-3P0, or R2-D2. 18. However, you would dress as: Wedge, Porkins, Crix Madine, that spider droid from Jabba's palace, that fat dancer from Jabba's palace, Sy Snootles, the Cantina bartender, the monster in the trash compactor, Boba Fett, or an Imperial probe droid. 17. You went to the nearest recruiting center and asked to be assigned to the 121st TIE squadron. 16. You wave your hand purposefully and 'use the force' to open and close automatic doors or elevator doors. 15. You walk into an optometrist's office and shout: "You will PAY for your lack of vision!" 14. You have a Yoda figurine replacing the brand symbol on the hood of your car. 13. When someone apologizes to you, you choke him and tell him that you accept his apology. 12. Instead of saving for college, you save up for Star Wars stuff you plan to buy. 11. You have so many SW Trilogy GIF's, JPG's, MIDI's, AVI's, WAV's, MPG's, icons and text files that you're rapidly running out of disk space and have to buy a bigger hard drive just to hold them all. 10. You have so many SW posters that you can't see your walls. 9. You have so many SW posters that you can't see your ceiling or floor, either. 8. You have so many SW toys that you can't see your SW posters anyway. 7. You could have sworn you saw bantha tracks during your trip to the grand canyon. 6. When leaving a restaurant, you can't resist signing Boba Fett or Darth Vader in the guestbook. 5. You ride your motorbike through the forest at top speed, and survive after throwing yourself off just before it hits a tree. 4. You've refused to enter a cave/cavern/tunnel without a handgun and a large stick. 3. You respond to any mention of the legality of something with "I will make it legal." 2. When your friends confide in you and tell you their deepest, darkest secrets, you say, "You are far too trusting." 1. When trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your cereal bowl, you remark, "the Force is strong with this one."